


one in fourteen million

by starkreactor



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Bucky Barnes Recovering, F/M, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Kid Tony Stark, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Time Skips, Uncle Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-02-25 23:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18711784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkreactor/pseuds/starkreactor
Summary: Steve does everything he can to foster a better life for a young and growing Tony Stark. He’s not perfect, but with this one in a million chance—no, one infourteen million six-hundred and five chances—to try, he’s sure to do his damn best for everyone.Sequel to “Second Chances”





	1. 1978: anthony stark, age 8

**Author's Note:**

> let me start this off with saying that i am shocked by the response second chances has received! i did not expect so many ppl to be interested in this au and i am pleased that you all have voiced wanting more of it! im excited to share this part and hopefully more too~ as i told someone, old man steve has to find a way to get back to 2023 anyway so this has a while to go.
> 
> anyway! here’s to uncle steve growing up with Tony ♡

Over the next four years with the help of SHIELD and Steve’s commitment to Bucky, the super soldier manages to find his best friend and pull him from the Winter Soldier life HYDRA had immorally built him for. It takes a while for SHIELD to figure out how to disable the brainwashing Bucky’s been through, but it’s worth the weeks of effort to track down the notebook with the proper word sequence to bring Bucky back to the real world.

 

Steve’s playing blackjack with Tony when he gets the call that the Winter Soldier has been reverted back to his non-assassin status as James Buchanan Barnes. Tony, who has just returned a week ago from boarding school in New York to begin his summer break, tells Steve to check in on his friend. "The game can wait later; we have all summer to play," he says with a resounding warmth that soothes Steve’s stinging heart.

 

"Do you want to come with me?"

 

Tony perks at that. "Go to SHIELD HQ with you? I don’t know if my dad would let me. He’s all super strict about me getting involved in some tech stuff these days."

 

Steve grits his teeth and inwardly curses whatever the hell Howard’s been pressing on the kid even while at boarding school. Steve spent the majority of the past year abroad tracking down Bucky’s whereabouts and while he did send postcards to Tony, he didn’t have much time to chat with Maria or Howard in the meantime. SHIELD HQ is probably the safest place Tony could ever be, especially while being a high profile kid any mad man could use as bait for Howard. While Howard probably doesn’t want Tony involved in his agent business and the undercover business SHIELD takes part in, taking him to visit isn’t going to kill the kid.

 

"I’ll take you over and if your dad gets upset he can talk to me about it. We're just visiting my friend after all." Steve stands up and dusts off his pants with a heavy sigh. "Besides, you can’t stay sheltered forever. At least you'll get to see what your Uncle Steve gets up to day by day."

 

Tony grins at that and bounces from his seat in a rush. "I’ll get my jacket in a jiffy."

 

Steve drives the two over to the secured semi-hidden building after telling Maria he's going to drop by and visit a friend at HQ. Maria is excited that Tony gets to see what being a secret agent is all about. Since his mom has given something of a green light for Tony to enjoy the visit, Tony excitedly jabbers about the first visit to the elusive law enforcement headquarters. The blonde tries to think about the excitement he felt about seeing the army compounds while growing up, especially as World War 2 came to fruition. He remembers wishing to be a part of the cause, how desperate he was to do anything to help his community, his country. And now he watches Tony’s brown eyes fill with wonder, his body twisted in the passenger seat to press palms to the window as if he could touch things through the glass.

 

Inside the building, Tony’s awe melts into surprising fright and he grabs Steve’s hand and curls up against him. Steve raises his eyebrows but doesn’t ask questions about Tony’s odd behavior, not here at least. A few guards who recognize Steve give him nods and some people who recognize Tony give a few raised eyebrows and murmurs about his appearance. It seems to make Tony a little more sheltered, which Steve questions once they’re in the elevator.

 

"No one’s gonna harm you here, Tones," states Steve in the silence of the moving machine. "You’re safe here."

 

"I know," the kid replies, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth, "but I keep thinking about what my dad says…"

 

Steve wants to roll his eyes but he holds himself back. "If it helps, you’re not gonna see any bad guys here."

 

"Seeing bad guys would actually be really cool." Tony leans back against the elevator wall as he slips into deep thought. "I've never really seen a bad guy before. Not up close at least. Only in movies and my imagination." Brown eyes stare up into blue with excitement. "Sometimes I even imagine I'm in the space armor you painted for me and I can fight off all the big evil people and keep you and Mom and Dad and Jarvis safe. I wanna keep you guys safe."

 

A smile graces Steve's lips before he can try to hide it. "I'm sure you'll be able to just that, Tones. You'll be the best hero ever."

 

"Of course I will! I've got you to help me out." Tony beams and pushes off the wall with a small hum. "We can be the best duo ever! Steven Carter and Tony Stark, saving the world like Captain America used to do. But better than Cap."

 

"Better than Cap?" teases Steve as the elevator comes to a stop and a low ding signals the doors opening. "You think we'd be better than Captain America?"

 

"Duh," Tony drawls as he follows the blonde down the hall, "We wouldn't pilot a plane into the ice and disappear for decades until my dad spends every waking moment of his life looking for us."

 

Steve frowns. He's been trying very hard to change Tony's perception of Captain America but every time he gets close to convincing Tony that Howard's work isn't in vane, Howard undos Steve's work by either yelling at Tony for bothering him when the boy returns home during school breaks, or by being out of the country searching for the fallen soldier. Since Steve's spent much of the past years searching for Bucky, he hasn't been around to combat the tension Howard is creating in the Stark household. Steve would love to tell Tony who he was in his other reality but he knows telling Tony while the kid is constantly berated for not being worth the same amount of time as Captain America could possibly break him. He's the smartest 7-year-old boy this side of the Milky Way but he's still just a 7-year-old boy.

 

First and foremost, Steve has to be a better Captain America now by protecting Tony as best he can before dropping the news. He needs Tony to trust the idea of Captain America, to separate the myth from the man and the man from his father. He needs to figure out why Howard is so obsessed to the point of ignoring his son and then get Howard to apologize to Tony. Steve can't apologize for Howard; that's absolutely not going to cut it. Tony needs to hear the words from his dad so he can personally overcome the issue. So far, Tony only believes he's less than Captain America but as Captain America himself and knowing his attitude toward Tony two weeks out of the ice, Steve knows Tony is in some ways more than and not lesser.

 

Steve wishes he hadn't spent so long away from the Starks but he knows finding Bucky as soon as he could get a finger on his whereabouts was the way to keep worse things from happening in the future. Tony can never make amends with his dad if his dad ends up murdered before the kid is at an age where he can even try. At this rate, Steve's not sure if amends should be made. Not for this particular behavior. Not for this emotional abuse.

 

In the end though, Steve only hopes his kindness and protection is enough to keep Tony from the darkness his future self fell into.

 

Steve and Tony turn down a few hallways before they're greeted by a parade of guards standing before a metal door. Tony doesn't hide behind Steve's bulk and instead, steps out in front of Steve with his chest puffed out and his shoulders pulled back with determination. Two of the guards quirk little smiles at his stature. "Uncle Steve and I are here to see his friend," the brunette states with arms crossed behind his back. He looks like the perfect soldier.

 

Steve isn't sure how to feel about that.

 

"We're here for James Barnes," continues Steve as he puts a hand on Tony's shoulder and steps forward to stand beside him. "I got a message earlier that he's been cleared for visitation."

 

One of the guards narrows their eyes at the blonde. "And the kid?"

 

"He said we are not just him," snarks Tony and Steve gently squeezes his shoulder to get him to calm down. Tony shrugs Steve off his shoulder with a grunt. "Just because I'm seven doesn't mean I've got the brains of a 2nd grader. I'm Tony Stark; I could probably hack my way into your servers, open those metal doors, and get us both inside to meet Uncle Steve's friend."

 

Steve is admittedly impressed by the amount of authority in Tony's voice. A few the guards raise eyebrows and exchange slightly worried glances. Steve's not even sure if Tony can hack through the servers but it wouldn't surprise him if he can. Howard was the one who coded a lot of the security in this buildings when SHIELD first started and while things have been upgraded and are constantly managed by others including Howard, if Tony can get into the man's workshops then perhaps SHIELD is just another coding playground for the boy.

 

"Steve's friend," the main guard spits out the word like it's poison, "is a dangerous assassin. We're not permitted to let a child in the same room as assassins. You being Tony Stark doesn't change that rule and neither do thinly veiled threats."

 

Tony waves a passing hand. "I wasn't veiling anything."

 

The guard looks over at Steve. "Did Howard approve of you bringing his son in to meet a murderer?"

 

"Howard approves of me being Tony's godfather and I used to kill people for a living. Still do if that's the best solution for my missions," shrugs Steve. "If Barnes is really incapacitated and returned to his normal state, then there's no harm to be had. I know Bucky; he wouldn't harm anyone that hasn't done him wrong."

 

A guard in the back speaks up. "We refuse to be held accountable for any harm that comes to Howard Stark's son."

 

"You won't have to because I will." Steve replies with a straight face. "I take full responsibility for Tony but you all have full responsibility for lying to me about Bucky if you didn't rehabilitate him."

 

Silence takes to the air before the main guard steps aside and the other guards follow their lead. Steve nods in thanks and takes Tony's hand as they wait for the door to be unlocked. Tony is practically vibrating with excitement, a bold contrast to his demeanor when they first arrived at HQ. Steve finds it cute and squashes the urge to pat Tony’s head in response.

 

It takes a few turns down winding hallways until the two reach Bucky’s cell and Tony sprints over to press hands to the glass in awe. Steve stands back and watches Bucky turn around to face them. The brunette’s face is wide with surprise as he watches Steve, but his eyes turn to Tony and furrow with confusion. Steve makes his way to Tony's side and puts a warm hand on the kid's shoulder. Bucky's eyebrows raise and his eyes shift between the two before he sends a smirk to Steve. 

 

"Thought you were impotent."

 

Steve laughs. "I am. This is Howard Stark's kid."

 

"Stark settled down?" the man eyes Tony and crosses his arms. "Now that I'm looking, I can see a lot of Howard in him."

 

"I'm Tony Stark," Tony announces proudly with a puffed out chest. Steve smiles down at him and feels a little relief that two of his most favorite people can meet on better terms than they had before. "Steve is my uncle but not biologically. He said you're his friend."

 

"I am," Bucky smiles softly. "I'm his best friend but I'm sure you've been doing a great job filling that position while I was," he pauses for just a moment, "while I was gone."

 

Tony nods happily. "I'm a really good best friend! It's hard to be a best friend when at school though." He turns to look up at Steve and tugs on his sleeve. "Is he gonna be your best friend while I'm in school?"

 

"I can have multiple best friends."

 

"But best means the best of all the friends! There can only be one by that definition."

 

"Hey kid," Bucky starts with a warm voice. Steve feels his heart clench at the familiar tone. He's missed Bucky so much. "If it helps any, I won't ever take you spot in Steve's heart."

 

Steve has a sudden flashback to Tony finding out that Bucky had killed his parents. He remembers pain in Tony's eyes, the rage at finding out it was never a car accident. He remembers how hurt Tony had looked when Steve admitted he had already known and was simply trying to protect Bucky from being the assassin he had been brainwashed to be.

 

_ He's my friend. _

 

_ And so was I. _

 

Tony flusteredly blinks and curls into Steve's side a bit more. The soothing touch of the young boy pulls Steve from his cascading thoughts. He's once again grateful that Tony and Bucky can meet under better terms now. The blonde squeezes Tony's shoulder, a gesture full of relief, before turning to Bucky. "How've you been, Buck? I trust SHIELD has been treating you well."

 

Bucky eyes Tony, who understands what the look means and steps away from Steve. "I'm gonna stand outside the door and chat with some of the guards. Maybe get one of them to show me some of the firewall code for the doors."

 

Steve raises an eyebrow but doesn't question the words and merely smiles to himself. He chuckles once the door closes and steps closer to the glass as Bucky does the same. Now that they're closer, he can see the bandages dressing Bucky's skin, the still red welts on his cheeks. He wonders how long it took to deprogram the man and bites his tongue from asking such an insensitive question right off the bat. Bucky rolls his ups sleeves and Steve finds himself unable to look away from the thick silver metal arm replacing his previous solid fresh one.

 

"Courtesy of HYDRA," the man laughs to himself as he flexes the metal appendage. "It's something to get used to even after all these years."

 

"I'm sorry," whispers Steve as he watches Bucky. "I should have saved you on the train."

 

Bucky shakes his head. "It is what it is. I'm glad you've saved me now though." He nods toward the door. "You're babysitting the Stark kid now?"

 

"I've been around since his birth so it's more like taking care of a little brother." Steve chuckles to himself as he runs a hand through his hair. "He's a smart kid; Peggy and I have spent a lot of time in his life."

 

"I'm guessing by the ring on your finger that you got married to Peggy after all."

 

Steve smiles. "Yeah. Wish you could have been there for the wedding." The blonde presses a hand to the glass. "Do you know when SHIELD will release you?"

 

"Probably in a month. SHIELD is finding me a place to live and stay undercover for a bit. They wanna give me witness protection, too. Give me a new name and whatnot." Bucky steps to the glass and presses his flesh hand against Steve's. "What I've done, Steve; the people I've been tortured to kill and the families I've been ordered to destroy, it haunts me. I can't live a normal life after this."

 

"You could join SHIELD with me. I'm an agent myself, code name Nomad."

 

Bucky furrows his brow. "You're a SHIELD agent? What about—,"

 

"I'm Nomad now," snaps Steve as he turns to properly look his friend in the eyes. He hopes his own eyes convey that this conversation can't be had here. Bucky cocks his head to the side but the creases in his bow straighten out. "Let me know when you're out, alright?"

 

"Of course."

 

A little over a month passes before Bucky gets out and when he does, Steve receives a message on his pager. It’s a simple thing but he’s quick to grab his phone and call the return number. He invites Bucky over to the beach where the Carters and Starks are hanging out and smiles to himself when he watches Tony perk and excitedly run toward the man. Steve leans back in the sand and closes his eyes to let Tony and Bucky’s voices wash over him like the beach waves inching close to his feet. Howard and Maria greet Bucky, too, equally as kind to learn about Steve’s childhood and wartime friend. He opens his eyes when he feels a pat to his side, turning to smile at Bucky burrowing his legs into the sand to sit beside him. Their shoulders are brushing, the slight pressure of his metal arm pressing against Steve as a subtle reminder of all he’s been through to get here.

 

"My full name is Anthony Edward Stark," Tony is explaining at Bucky’s other side as he plays with the sand by their feet. "Edward is for my late uncle but no one ever really address me by that. Well, sometimes my dad gets upset and calls me ‘Anthony Edward’ but that’s really it."

 

Tony’s voice falters toward the end and Steve looks over at the small frown on his lips. Bucky nudges the kid to get his attention. "Well, Steve already calls you Tony so I’ll call you Ed, yeah?"

 

The boy’s face lights up and he turns to give Bucky a wide smile. "Yeah! I love nicknames. You can give me as many as you want."

 

"Alright then, Ed," teases the brunette as he reaches out a hand to ruffle Tony’s hair. "I think we can get along pretty well."


	2. 1981: anthony stark, age 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i held off on this update bc I was gonna post a chapter between the first and this one but the words just weren’t happening so !! three year jump now heh thanks for waiting!

"Bucky!" Tony yells as he sprints down the hall of the mansion, panting as he grabs his backpack during his sprint. Steve bounds after him, agility not as much on his side as it used to be but he’s got good training to deal with these situations.

 

Bucky turns from his run down the hall and waves his hands at Tony. "Pass it here, Ed!"

 

"I can’t! Steve is right on me!"

 

Steve turns down a corner and opens the door to the backyard and skids to a stop as he spots Bucky. The man’s hair is tied back in a ponytail and he’s dressed in a tank top and jeans as he stands in the grass. His silver metal arm glissens in the sunlight and for a moment, Steve is again surprised at the fact that Bucky is here with him now even though it's been three years already. He was able to save his friend from a lifetime of unwanted murder and on the plus side, Tony and Bucky get to be good friends. In Steve past realty, a friendship between Tony and Bucky most likely would have never happened. Not with the knowledge about who killed Tony’s parents.

 

The graying blonde rushes toward his friend in an attempt to block him from Tony’s sight, but Tony suddenly rushes in and tosses the backpack forward. The kid skids in the dirt and falls to his knees with an overjoyed whoop as Bucky catches the bag and scores a point for his team. Steve crosses his arms and gives the cheering duo a look. "This is completely unfair; I’m in my 60’s and you two have youth on your side."

 

Bucky snorts before tossing the backpack back to Tony. He ruffles the brunette’s hair and Steve’s heart clenches like it always does when he sees some of his favorite people being friendly together. "You’re a lot more youthful than any 60-year-old man, Steve. Probably more so than any 40-year-old guy, too. Ed and I on the same team is equal footing, wouldn’t you say?"

 

"Absolutely," grins Tony as he slings the bag over his shoulders. He sticks his tongue out at Steve but makes his way to the man anyway. "Besides, you won against us last time we played capture the flag. It’s only fair we get to win a round."

 

"I still think he cheated to win." Bucky mumbles.

 

Steve gives him a look. "How can I cheat at capture the flag? You two are just really bad at protecting your defensive lines when it comes to your flag. I can understand that from Tony but you, Bucky? A damn shame."

 

Tony laughs and gives Steve a sideways hug. "You played a good game, Stevie. I’m gonna go say hi to my mom and Aunt Peggy and then we can have some lemonade and ice cream! She told me yesterday she got a new ice cream flavor for me to try that I didn't get to have up at school."

 

"You go on ahead and do that, kid," replies Steve and he watches Tony run back inside as Bucky comes to stand next to him. He turns toward Bucky with a smile. "It’s really great that Tony’s grown to like you."

 

Bucky shrugs but Steve can read the smile in his posture. "He’s replied to a few of my postcards but he prefers email messaging. He’s always asking about you though; I think he has a favorite between the two of us."

 

The older man gently elbows his friend. "You’ve really only known him for a few years but he’s a quiet boy. Tony grew up under a lot of attention and boarding school doesn’t help with it, either. He’s skipped so many grades because of his intelligence; he’s already taking college courses though he hates how easy it is." Bucky chuckles at that. "I know I’ve told you this already, but I really am happy you two are friends."

 

Bucky pats Steve’s back. "Why wouldn’t we be? He reminds me of you when we were younger, always vying to get in the fight but instead of physical fighting like your stupid scrawny ass used to do, Anthony’s battle is knowledge." He looks up at the sky wistfully and then cocks his head at Steve. "Are you sure you don’t want to go unfreeze Captain America? Cryotube technology is a thing after all. We could freeze him after missions to keep his age intact."

 

Steve wipes dust and dirt off his pants with a snort. "I'm not going to stoop down to HYDRA's own tactics. That's torture, Bucky, and you of all people should know." He gives the man a glance and then looks up at the blue sky above, too. "This world isn't ready for Captain America yet. Trust me when I say bigger things are about to come. He needs to be ready for those things and waking up and assimilating could further disrupt a host of events I've probably already messed up by being here. I can take care of the little things in the mean and between time."

 

The blonde motions for Bucky to follow him as they make their way inside. They never talk about Steve’s secret inside the mansion. Howard has it bugged for security measures and while the news went down smoothly for Peggy, Maria, and Bucky, it probably won’t go down well with the rest of the family.

 

Still, every day Steve doesn’t tell Tony is another day of guilt piling on his shoulders. Whenever Tony comes back from boarding school, Howard’s caught up in his search for a man who already lives, and while Tony spends plenty of time catching up with Steve during break, it still stings to not have his father’s attention. Steve only hopes that Tony won’t be upset once he finds out who Steve truly is. He never wants to hurt Tony but he knows a secret as integral as this could hurt the young boy more than he could ever know. He only hopes the secret won’t damage their relationship so far and that Tony can still love him either way.

 

Inside the mansion, Steve and Bucky run into Dum-e, who is wheeling about the halls looking for Tony as it seems. The robot was created a couple summers ago after Tony took an advanced robotics class and in fact, Tony is working on a companion for the little robot which he claims should be finished this summer. Steve loves watching Tony work in his workshop; he likes seeing new technology filter into the room over the years, loves watching Tony create new technologies and teach himself new languages to study other written works on tech and the physical sciences. Engineering is most definitely Tony's biggest love and while he enjoys biological and life sciences just as much, the physical and technical sciences always call to him more than anything else.

 

Steve and Bucky walk with Dum-e to the kitchen where Tony is pouring out cups of lemonade and eagerly chatting with his mother about the game they just finished playing. Her hair is gray at the edges and wrinkles parenthesize her eyes and mouth but she still looks as joyful and happy as when she and Howard first got married. Steve gives her a kiss on her cheek when she notices him and Tony makes kissing noises into his cup at the action. The blonde leans down to give Tony a kiss on the forehead in turn and Tony yelps as he tries to scramble away.

 

"I'm 11, Steve; I don't need gross forehead kisses." the brunette scrubs at his forehead with a pout though his cheeks are pink with embarrassment. "You can save those for my mom and Aunt Peggy."

 

"I just give kisses to people I love," shrugs Steve as he takes a cup from the counter. "I guess you don't want me to love you anymore."

 

"No!" Tony cries out with absolute childish horror. "I can't imagine you not loving me. Don't start now."

 

Steve grins into his cup. "As you wish then."

 

"Hey, this only means he doesn't love me," objects Bucky as he leans against the kitchen counter. "I don't get kisses, only punches to my arm."

 

Tony smirks. "I guess you just aren't worthy of Steve's love."

 

Bucky laughs but Steve finds himself remembering all that he left when coming here. He doesn't even know if he can ever go back--he's living under the assumption that he can't--and even though he gets to live a life with Bucky they could never have in his old reality, this isn't the same Bucky. How does future Bucky feel about Steve leaving and, to both their knowledge, never coming back? Does he feel like he's not worthy of Steve's love since Steve can't return to him? Is he questioning the fact that Steve does care for him? Was it wrong of Steve to leave his friends like that? To leave Sam and Bucky without a proper goodbye, to leave the Avengers while all their hearts still ached with Tony and Natasha's deaths on their minds.

 

Steve looks over at his current Tony who is punching Bucky in the legs and making those repulsor noises he always voices when he dives into his imagination and dons the Iron Man armor Steve painted for him. His heart twinges and he prays that his friends understand the choice he's made even if they will probably never know he's made that choice. Steve will gladly come back in time always and love Tony and Bucky in this new life, give them the chances they deserve to live how they can't in 2023.

 

Time travel is messy business; just thinking about being able to go back in time and change what happened in the past or see what's possible in the future is crazy. Steve knew this going in but that's just the beginning when it comes to dealing with the complicated webs created. Steve has learned that, in particular, it's the ramifications brought by leaving his present that carries the most weight in his mind. The ethics and morals of disrupting the past is thankfully not much to worry about because he's not changing the pasts of the people he left, merely creating a new reality for his friends and family. The problem is what happens to his present, how they move on with him being gone. They don't deserve to live a life believing him possibly dead, of never knowing what exactly happened that means he didn't come back when they expected him to. It's grated at Steve for years but with Tony and Bucky in his life, he's found himself thinking about it more and more. He doesn't want to leave, he never wants to leave, but he does wish he could go back and tell his friends that he's doing fine.

 

In the meantime though, as he's believed since holding Tony on his first day of life over 11 years ago, he can give everyone from back then second chances. He won't be able to reassure his friends that their lives can be better, that the world could be different, but he can at least do so. That's what matters most, does it not?

 

"Bucky is very worthy of my love," replies Steve with a huff. Tony pauses in his punching and gives Steve a look. "Hey, I knew him before I knew you; of course he's got my affection."

 

Bucky grins and sticks his tongue out at the kid. "Ha, I've been Steve's second hand for much longer than you."

 

"Yeah, but being my uncle is a lot better than second hand. So I win."

 

"There's no need to fight over who Steve loves more, boys." Maria speaks up with humor laced in her tone. Tony rolls his eyes but hides it as best he can by turning his back to grab his cup of lemonade. "The obvious answer is that he loves me the most."

 

"Hey!"

 

Steve laughs and gently squeezes Maria's arm. "You're not supposed to let them in on the secret, Maria."

 

"My apologies," she smirks as she grabs bowls for ice cream. Tony starts blasting her with imaginary repulsor blasts. "Why are you attacking me now? It's not my fault I'm amazing."

 

Tony falters. "Well, you _are_ amazing, Mom," he replies slowly, rubbing at his chin. "Maybe I should fight Steve instead."

 

"Now that's cheating because you know I'd never fight back." _I learned my lesson the first time._

 

"Bucky's got your back I'm sure."

 

"Don't drag me into this." Bucky raises his arms and steps back from the trio. "I'm just a dude with a metal arm."

 

Tony and Steve share a look and Maria watches them with a smile in her eyes. She interrupts the guys with ice cream and sends them outside to spend the day in the sun. Tony brings out some toys he had built and brought back from boarding school. He spends hours explaining the mechanics behind them, brown eyes lit up with excitement and joy. Steve prefers seeing Tony like this. Steve only knew Tony after the Battle of New York, Tony who spent months not sleeping to build 35 Iron Man armors, who built Ultron and Vision to combat the ever-looming apocalyptic future, who discovered time travel in a single night. Seeing Tony use his smarts and love for engineering in the most innocent manner is refreshing.

 

There's also the fact that in this reality, Tony trusts Steve enough to let him in on his musings. In Steve's old reality, Tony never trusted Steve enough to tell him everything that was happening in his life, to let him in on his works. He never told anyone but Bruce about the six months he spent holed up in Malibu after the Battle of New York. Everyone learned years after the fact. He never told the Avengers about building Ultron and the Ultron Program. He never talked to them after the Accords and was planning to die before ever speaking again. They went five years without contact and while in the end, Steve was able to tell Tony that he does trust him, it took too many years and never got to come to full fruition in the end.

 

Now that Steve has that trust, he never wants to break it if he can help it.

  



	3. 1984: anthony stark, age 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has interests that his father does not approve of. Steve tries to work things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember how in the first paragraph of second chances I mentioned Howard having struggles with homosexuality and in turn, projects those struggles on his son?? well, here is part of that story.
> 
> forewarning that this chapter deals with homophobia, internalized homophobia, and has some homophobic language

Steve is half-reading a book and half falling asleep when he gets woken up by a call to his cellphone. Not many people have his number, in fact, only Maria, Howard, Tony, Peggy, and Bucky do. Well, the Director of SHIELD probably does but they don’t call him as often and they usually use much more secure SHIELD specific pagers and servers to contact each other. Steve is tempted to let the phone ring and not bother with answering but unlike the luxuries of the 21st century, caller ID isn’t quite ubiquitous yet so he might be missing an important message if he ignores the call.

 

The graying blonde grabs the device and answers with a rough half-sleepy voice. "Steven Carter here."

 

"Steve! Oh man, I wasn’t sure if you were going to pick up; I know it’s late and everything and you’re getting old and need your sleep."

 

Steve sits up fully and glances over to where Peggy is sleeping soundly in their shared bed. "No, I’m awake." He replies as he leaves the room as not to disturb his wife. "What’s got you calling at this hour anyway? Don’t you have school?"

 

"School is boring; I’m only here because it makes Howard look good." Steve can hear Tony rolling his eyes despite being miles apart. It makes him smile in the midst of his concern. "I wanted to ask you about something kinda personal. Don’t tell my dad, though. I think he would kill me even more than he already wants to."

 

Howard is out at Tony’s upstate New York boarding school for a series of board meetings and business meetings about giving money for school projects in the city. He left three days ago with Maria but Steve hasn’t heard anything from him in the meantime. Steve frowns at Tony’s words and leans against the wall with crossed arms. "What got Howard upset?"

 

"I, uh," Tony shuffles on the other end of the line. "You won’t hate me, right Steve? No matter what?"

 

"I promise you I’ll love you no matter what, Tony."

 

There’s a hot puff of hair into the receiver and more shuffling. "Howard caught me hanging out with someone." More silence and then Tony clears his throat. "And by hanging out I mean, kissing and stuff. It wasn’t a lot! Just lip stuff like what I see you and Aunt Peggy do and what I used to see my parents do a lot when I was younger."

 

"Howard got upset that you were kissing someone? I’m sure he kissed pretty girls when he was just a kid, too. That’s nothing to be upset about."

 

"Yeah, but I wasn’t kissing pretty girls."

 

It takes Steve a moment but when the implications hit, he can’t help himself with the sharp inhale. Before he lets Tony run away with that sound and make up all sorts of negative connotations for it, Steve speaks up. "I’m not upset or anything, Tony, don’t think that I am. In fact, I think this is a good conversation to have with someone you can trust before you spring the news on your parents."

 

"Spring the news--what? I…" Tony sounds absolutely confused. "I’m not...I’m not gay, Steve. I don’t...I was just playing around and Howard caught me red handed."

 

Steve frowns. "It’s okay if you’re attracted to men, Tony."

 

"I’m not! I’m not gay; I don’t like guys that way! Guys are gross and icky and have dicks. I don’t like that." Tony grumbles on the other side of the call. "It’s the 80’s and experimenting and playing around is the thing to do. My dad just happens to be a noisy asshole about it is all."

 

The blonde crosses his arms. "Then why are you calling me to talk about it like a secret if your dad already knows it was just you playing around?"

 

"Because he doesn’t think that I’m playing around and he thinks I’m actually gay even though I proved to him I’m not! I had a girlfriend earlier in the year and I mean, it was mostly for show but that was a thing." Tony pauses and when he speaks again, his words are soft and shaky. "Howard said some really mean words to my friend and I can’t stop thinking about how he would have said those words to me too if I wasn’t his son."

 

Steve swallows the lump in his throat and tries not to imagine the cruel words Howard could have said. "Some people are really rude when confronted with things they don’t like, and I’m sorry you have to deal with that, especially from your own father."

 

"It’s fine," he says and he doesn’t mean it but Steve doesn’t press on it. "I’m just overthinking things. Enough about me, how has your night been? Before I interrupted you of course."

 

"It’s been calm," Steve sighs into the phone. "I’m serious, Tony. If you need to talk things out or anything, I’m here for you."

 

"I know. But I’m okay!"

 

A few days later, Tony calls again. It’s at an odd hour for both Steve and Tony so the SHIELD agent answers with slight concern in his mind. Tony immediately starts stumbling over words in his speech and it takes a moment, but Steve eventually gets him to calm down and speak slower. Howard’s just finished a drive back to New York for a SHIELD executive meeting before he takes a Panam flight to L.A. but apparently before he left for the airport he had berated Tony.

 

"He was fine with me from, you know, the kiss but then he told me not to let boarding school turn me into a little fag."

 

Steve stills with wearing a hole in the hotel floor. "He did _not_ say that to you."

 

Tony laughs but it’s wet and Steve wants to shove his fist into the undeserving wall. "It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. I mean, if I’m not then it should be funny, right? I’m not being turned gay just because of one little kiss."

 

"You’re not being ‘turned’ into anything, Tony. Don’t listen to his insults."

 

"But," starts Tony and his hesitance makes Steve’s blood simmer a little colder, "what if he’s right? What if it wasn’t just a kiss? I have...other thoughts, Steve. It’s bad, it’s really bad thoughts."

 

"Tony."

 

"I went to the school chapel yesterday and tried to pray those thoughts away. I haven’t believed in God in years but you do and I thought maybe if God helped you be so strong and amazing maybe I could be healed." he chuckles hoarsely. "It didn’t work, Steve, and I knew it wouldn’t but I kinda hoped it would. It scares me, Steve." Tony’s voice is shaking now. "Dad is gonna hate me even more and I’m so excited that I got into MIT because I don’t have to spend time at home with him once school gets back up. I don’t want him to hate me more. I don’t want to be like this."

 

Tony’s crying and Steve feels like he’s drowning in the young boy’s tears. He wishes he could be there physically and comfort Tony, let him know it’s okay to have those thoughts. This 13-year-old kid doesn’t have to harbor this much self hatred toward himself. "Tony, I have a secret I think you should hear."

 

"Steve," and his voice is so scared and worried it breaks Steve’s heart over and over.

 

"It’s not bad, Tones, if anything I hope what I have to say helps you." Steve takes a deep breath. "I’ve had the same internal struggle as you when I was growing up. It took some time but changing circumstances did help me accept it more." He’s half tempted to tell Tony about the future and how it’s so much easier to be accepted for these attractions there but he’s already about to toss an entire curve ball into Tony’s life. He shouldn’t add more at this moment. "It’s possible to like men and women and you’re not a freak for it. I should have let you know sooner but you’re no different with me with these thoughts."

 

Tony pauses. "You...you also like…"

 

Steve can tell how hard it is for Tony even process Steve’s words, can’t say the words himself to complete the thought. He really wishes they weren’t on the phone for this. "I used to like Bucky when we were younger. Doesn’t help that he was always there for me, protecting me when I would get in fights, helping me when I would get super sick and miss school." Steve sits down on his bed with a low sigh. "I hated myself for it; thought I was constantly conflating friendship with romance. I was in the end but it doesn’t mean I didn’t see him that way."

 

"Does Bucky know?"

 

Steve chuckles. "I never told him formally but I’m sure he knew. He never treated me different for it and I’ll never treat you different for it, either." There’s a small lull before Steve continues on to share more than he had to anyone else in a long time. "Before Peggy, I fell in love with a man. So hard, so deep, I would have done a lot of things for him. Well, looking back on it, I did do many things for him, it was just never enough. He never knew how much I loved him. I was too afraid to tell him, too cowardly to let anything happen, but it was too late anyway. We got into a really bad argument and to protect himself we lost contact. He got married and had a family and I tried to move on but for years, I couldn’t."

 

"You still love him even though you love Peggy and married her."

 

"Of course." Steve voice is tight. "She knows, too, and never hurt me for it. I’m grateful to her always. He actually gave me the chance to be with Peggy and be friends with Howard and in turn, even get to watch you grow up."

 

"I gotta say thanks to him then."

 

Steve’s voice is raspy. "He, uh, died saving my life."

 

"Oh." Tony’s voice is small. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think about this all over again. You and Peggy have been together for so long, I didn’t ever think you coulda liked someone else."

 

"It was a lifetime ago," Steve huffs ironically, "but I don’t mind thinking about him again. I don’t mind when I can show you this part of me and let you know it’s okay."

 

"Thank you," Tony sniffles. "I didn’t…I never thought someone like you could be, well, liking guys. It’s not normal."

 

"But it _is_ normal," confirms Steve, "It’s completely normal and you shouldn’t think otherwise, Tony. It’s completely okay to have those thoughts. You can call me and talk to me about it whenever you need to. I’ll never talk you down for it."

 

"You’re really the best, you know that?"

 

Steve smiles and wonders if he could ever be considered the best. "I’ll do the best for you, Tones."

 

The call ends on a light note, with Tony laughing about some chemistry jokes he learned in class. Steve’s glad he can help Tony with this personal burden on his shoulders but he’s still torn by the fact he can’t be there physically for the kid. If there's one thing that's been a constant struggle over the years it's the fact that Steve's had to be away from Tony. It's kind of pathetic in a way how he went five years without seeing Tony, then went back in the past to spend almost thirty years without him, and now he's had Tony consistently in his life for the past 13 years and he can't let him go. He can't imagine a life without Tony anymore. He hasn't been able to imagine a life without Tony since he was born but watching him grow up, connecting with him about the past, his soon to be future, has created a bond Steve hopes will never break.

 

Steve wakes up early the next day to catch Howard before he leaves on his flight back to Malibu. He’s got plenty to say to the man and most of it is a lot of angry words. Still, he knows he can’t come out the gates swinging. He might land some good punches but it would get him barred from seeing Tony. Might get him labeled as a bad influence or someone who’s gone mad from working in the field. Steve actually hasn’t been doing much field work recently as SHIELD has pushed him toward office bureaucracy as he’s aged, but it’s still an excuse people spin whenever an agent starts having more radical ideas.

 

It’s understandable, having grown up and been an agent through the Red Scare and the Cold War. Allegiances get confusing at times and it’s hard to know which side is actually the best one to support. Seeing America’s policies destroy other countries makes Steve glad Captain America is under the ice. He can barely stomach the dehumanization in policy and proxy wars and would hate for the personified embodiment of American values to be a part of this mess, especially knowing that the personification is himself. While in America he sees the fright of nuclear warfare scare people into building shelters. He gets a call from Tony about a bomb drill and how useless it is because scientifically nothing would stop a nuclear bomb from destroying anyone in its vicinity. He lives through a time full of fear and discrimination in American history he missed being in the ice, a time that makes him sick but grateful that on the other end of things, it does get a little better.

 

For now, a particular controversial social issue is confronting Steve headom. He has to find a way to approach Howard about his learned bigotry without being cast aside as some "SHIELD agent who spent too much time in other countries getting social rights distorted". Steve has never been accused as such but he’s seen it happen with others and also during the first year of Bucky’s time as SHIELD agent White Wolf. The point is that Steve doesn’t want Howard to block him out of Tony’s life or threaten his legitimacy as a SHIELD agent if he brings up this sensitive topic. Though Steve knows he would gladly allow the latter if it means he can protect Tony from his father's ignorance.

 

Steve manages to catch Howard at his hotel room and the man is surprised but also oddly honored to have Steve’s presence.

 

"We haven’t talked in a while," Howard chuckles as he walks to the bar and pours himself a drink despite it being so early. He fills the cup to the top and Steve feels his gut twist as he thinks about Tony and how he flirted with alcoholism.

 

"Yeah, I’ve been locked at HQ a lot," he murmurs as he leans against the back wall. Howard shrugs and downs his cup with a shudder. "I wanted to talk to you about Tony."

 

Howard freezes then, fingers flexing against the cup as his eyes stare into the emptiness. He refills his glass and swirls it’s contains lazily. "What about him has you seeing me?"

 

If Steve didn’t know any better, he’d say Howard knows exactly why he’s here. "He told me about his life at school. People he’s friends with."

 

"Uh huh," Howard looks disinterested but Steve can see the slight twitch of his eye and his tightening grip on the glass. "I met some of his friends over the past few days. An interesting group of people."

 

"Yeah. I wanted to ask actually how you felt about them. I know he’s graduating in a month but the people he befriends in high school gives good insight into who could be his friends at MIT."

 

Howard looks up at that, glaring daggers at Steve as if he could banish him from the room just by looking at him. "What are you trying to tell me, Steven? That my son will continue befriending these flamers?"

 

Steve clenched his fists and closes his eyes against the insults. "I’m saying that he’s going to befriend people he feels the most comfortable being near. People who support him while he’s the youngest in his grade and far away from his family."

 

"He’s thirteen and hanging with the wrong crowd. I don’t want their influence bleeding into him."

 

"Funny you say that because you’re actually the biggest influence of them all given you’re his _dad_." Steve can feel anger boiling in his gut and he lets it out with his next words. "Maybe you need to actually be there for Tony instead of seeing him once a semester just to insult him!"

 

Howard slams the cup down on the counter and hardens his glare at Steve. They both know Steve could bend him over the knee and snap his back in half if it really came down to it. The raven haired man steps toward Steve with a rage in his eyes Steve has rarely seen before. He wonders if Tony receives this look often. "I do what I can to protect my son from becoming me."

 

Steve blinks. That is not the indirect admission he expected from this confrontation. Howard seems to realize he’s just said he has a struggle himself and backs away from Steve with a stumble. Steve kinda smiles inwardly but he holds his ground. "Avoiding Tony doesn’t mean he won’t be you. Telling him the negative things you think about yourself doesn’t mean he won’t ever have those feelings either. And whether or not he does isn’t the point here because first and foremost your words only make it harder for him to be a goddamn decent person."

 

Howard is clenching the doorside table until his knuckles turn white. "Get out, Carter."

 

"Howard."

 

"I said, get _out_."

 

Steve puts a hand on Howard’s shoulder and tenses when the man quickly pulls away with a gasp and anger in his posture. "Tony needs you to _support_ him. He needs your love not your self-degradation. I can do so much but his own father’s words have only ever been mean and derogatory. Turning that around can help."

 

"I’m not telling him anything."

 

The blonde steps forward and watches Howard flinch. His heart hurts for the man. "Who was he?"

 

Howard looks up and his eyes are rimmed red from held back tears. Steve wishes he could do anything else to help but he knows this moment needs to pulled apart and analyzed at Howard’s pace, not Steve’s own. The inventor covers his face with his hands and then pulls at his own hair as the tears stream down his face. "I’m not…" He gasps and runs his hands down his face again to collect himself. "He died during the war."

 

Steve feels his heart beat faster in his chest. He didn’t come here with the intention of Howard ever admitting he himself wasn’t straight, but now that he’s here he feels invasive and stupid. Maybe he should have left but also maybe Howard needs this moment, too. Maybe he needs to talk with someone who won’t judge him, someone who reminds him that he’s causing more harm by extrapolating his self-hatred onto his son. The blonde steps closer and feels relief in his veins when Howard doesn’t lash out. "What was he like?"

 

Howard doesn’t make eye contact. "He had a good heart. It was in the right place. Some colleagues and I were watching him for this experiment thing we were thinking about testing out. He was a scrappy guy, barely passed any requirements to actually join the army." Steve feels his gut clench and he can barely hear Howard’s next words. "He survived our experiment with flying colors, became a war hero, and then died."

 

"I’m sorry for your loss," he croaks out midst the emotion building in his chest.

 

Howard shrugs and wipes at his eyes. "It’s stupid and pointless. I don’t even know why I told you. Maybe because you sort of remind me of him."

 

"Oh really." Steve hopes the panic isn’t easily heard in his voice. "Well, I’m honored you told me. I promise I won’t tell anyone but next time you see Tony, be sure to undo the damage you’ve done on the issue, alright? Apologize for being rude to his friends."

 

Steve knows it will take time for Howard to actually apologize to Tony as the man is stubborn as hell and also dealing with a host of personal issues brought by the self-admission. Still, Steve feels a little better making his way back to Brooklyn after sending Howard off after a quick breakfast at a local cafe. For a lot of his time spent in the past, Steve focused on making Tony’s life better but he didn’t consider the fact that he can change Howard’s life as well.

 

It’s when Tony calls him again two weeks later midst finals that Steve’s faced with the problem that sometimes people don’t want to change for the better. Sometimes the idea of change is too frightening to take that step forward into it. Steve has never been afraid of change. He’s always embraced it; hell, he had to readjust to living in a world 70 years ahead of his time. But even now, giving Howard the chance to open up with his son and connect about a similarity between themselves doesn’t mean he will take it. Anyone can bring a horse to water but no one can make it drink.

 

Howard apparently is too paralyzed by the idea that Tony could be harboring the same sinful thoughts he himself carries. Tony calls home, Maria answers with sweet words and a wish to see her boy again while Howard sends back scorn and hateful rhetoric. Steve is admittedly baffled about what makes the man think such talk will help Tony, why he can’t see the harm he causes the boy. It makes Steve sick hearing Tony relay the conversations, the same talks of Stark men being made of iron and any deviation from that is seen as lesser.

 

Some things are inevitable after all but Steve does hope his presence helps Tony not repress himself in turn. Steve can’t stop Howard even if he snaps at the man in his office and tries his best to help Howard see reason. That’s the biggest problem: Howard already believes his way _is_ reason.

 

Steve has to protect Tony from that for as long as possible. He hopes what he can do is enough.

  



End file.
